Scientific studies from among the vast body of research on fatherhood has shown that there is a strong correlation between broken marriages, dysfunctional or fatherless families and social and moral decay, education and career progression failures, alcoholism and drugs. Indeed, strong families contribute towards social stability. In turn, social stability provides the means for the progressive economic growth of every society. Without undermining the unique, complimentary and equally important role of the mother towards a healthy child’s development, this article attempts to focus on the father’s profound influence on the social, emotional, intellectual, moral and spiritual development of children.

Misconceptions

To clear the path for a comprehensive view of the father’s role within the family, it would be beneficial to identify some common misconceptions on the role of the father. The most typical is that the father’s major responsibility is that of providing the financial means for sustaining the running of the family, a kind of ‘money raiser’. But, alas, due to social and cultural changes, coupled in some cases by economic constraints, more housebound mothers have been encouraged to seek income generating employment and this has dampened the idea that the father is merely and solely the ‘wallet’ of the family.

Another harmful misconception is that competence, capability and creative care-taking and emotional support of children from infancy to adolescence is some kind of female trait perhaps due to the biological make-up or maternal aspects of the mother. It is the false notion, for instance, that for the father to hug and show intimate emotional support
to children is almost a sin and spoils children.

The fact that men do not express themselves in the same way as women, does not signify that they are destined through some natural law to be ineffective nurturers, or child raisers.

Social and emotional support

They say that children are excellent observers but poor interpreters. Children observe and absorb whatever they are subjected to, especially in their sensitive prime years. The father, in particular, is seen from the eyes of the child as a figure of authority.

As innocent children, we are unable to evaluate, interpret and distinguish between good and bad conceptions and feelings paraded to us by our parents and often these feelings become so intertwined and confused within us. A kind of internalisation process or programming develops which determines the way we see things and the way we relate to other people throughout our adulthood. Much has been said that emotional problems often result from the kind of god, the kind of people, and the kind of life we saw, as we looked through the relational windows of our childhood.

Thus, fathers have a vital role on all the stages of development of children. The father’s role is to constantly support, encourage and affirm the children to grow and develop their natural talents and gifts. The father is highly instrumental in developing the social skills, self-esteem and independence of their children.

Time spent with children is the best investment a father can give to his children, an investment which will definitely have high yields as the child passes through adulthood into manhood or womanhood. It has been proved that a healthy father-child relationship contributes significantly towards the cognitive, verbal development, self-discipline and after all, happy memories to last a lifetime.

Intellectual development

Once again, the importance of the father’s influence on their children in the area of school achievement is not to be discarded. Researchers report that fathers who may not be so intellectual themselves but who value education have children who do better in school than those fathers who do not value education. Recent media reports also confirm the high failure rate of schoolchildren coming from instable or insecure family environments including in particular the absence of the father-figure.

The father’s involvement in the child’s interests, be it in the child’s school events, sports, or other activities is a concrete way of channelling support for the development of the child’s potential and creative talents.

Moral and spiritual

Children are seen as gifts from God and can bring both joy and sorrow. They are to be loved, honoured and respected as persons. They are important in God’s kingdom and they are not to be harmed.

The father compliments the mother in bringing up children by example, direct instruction and encouragement. Various commentaries on parental guidance all agree that “children are provoked to bitterness and discouragement when they are abused physically or psychologically (by humiliating them and failing to treat them with respect), neglect them, expect too much from them, withhold love unless they perform, force them to accept goals or ideas and refusing to admit parental mistakes.”

Unfortunately, children’s notion of God the Father is mediated to them mostly through parents, in particular, their earthly father–image. If the child’s experience of his earthly father has been that of a dominating person who showed little affection or respect or who values the child is so far as the child conforms to expectations, then this experience is bound to effect the child’s notion of God and will influence the way the child relates to God as the perfect Father. The neglect or complete absence of discussing moral and spiritual issues with the growing adult is certainly a great mishap of contemporary society.

Revival

But can a father who has gone through a difficult childhood and upbringing himself effectively contribute towards the proper growth and development of his own children? The answer is conditional. It depends whether the healthy adjusted father is able to put father – child issues from the family of origin in a mature perspective and resolve them. If he feels such a task is beyond him, then he has the responsibility to seek assistance from qualified psychotherapists, family, pastoral/spiritual guides. To procrastinate on resolving negative issues from the family of origin is to run the risk of spilling into the immediate family bitterness, hostility, resentment or past hurts.

  
To revive the father’s role is to strengthen the family. To strengthen the family is to strengthen society.

(This article was published in ORBIS a Jesuit magazine on Faith and Culture , in Nov 2003– Author
GORDON P VASSALLO)

REFERENCES

The Father’s Role in Society – Conference address by Dr. Daniel Amneus Ph.D;
Family and Consumer Science – Ann K Smith Ph.D
K.C.’s Where’s Daddy ?
Healing for damaged emotions by David A Seamands
Inner Chaos and False Image of God – God of Surprises – Gerald Hughes S.J.
Christian Counselling (Developmental family issues) – by Gary R.Collins Ph D