At the age of eight, Kristen was performing in her elementary annual school’s play. A filming agent who happened to be there by chance stood spellbound. It was the beginning of her career as an American actress with performances amongst the most popular in The Twilight Saga, Panic Room and The Runaways. But apart from acting, Kristen Stewart is also interested in attending college, and becoming a writer. “I love what I do” she says, “but it’s not all I want to do – to be a professional liar for the rest of my life.”

Kristen is now twenty, full of life and looking forward to realizing her dreams. It comes as no surprise that recent celebrity talk claim that Kristen is annoyed of her current relationship with Robert Pattinson. Although she loves spending time with Rob, she just cannot stand his continuous possessive behavior. Rob obsessively texts her when she is not around. He visits her on set and stands besides her like a kid stuck to his mum. Kristen feels discomfort. She’s an independent woman and is used to spending time alone. She’s getting frustrated and feels chocked.

Sincere love demands protection of our dear ones, but over protection is scary. Over protection may slip into subtle possessive and manipulating behavior in any relationship even within the scenario of a family, between spouses or versus children. Possessiveness in relationships blocks the victim from his or her inner beauty and crushes creativity. They say the one who loves least, controls the relationship and as Jim Morrison put it “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”.

What lies at the root of possessive or manipulating relationships? Psychologists assert that some form of manipulation exists in many circumstances, such as for instance in the effort to win an argument. It is also quite harmless to allow a kind of ‘righteous’ jealousy flowing out of a deep loving relationship. The real problem exists in severely controlling and manipulative relationships. Such people are often the result, they claim, of abusive dominating parents and may even have a borderline or acute personality disorder. Controlling, manipulative people are not able to just let things happen naturally, they must control things or, in their mind, things will get away from them. They are compelled by their inner horrors to make sure they are the one pulling the strings. They may hide their fears or internal lack of true confidence by portraying a charming personality.

Red flags of a dominating relationship can be sighted by asking a few questions. Have I lost my individuality to conform to my partner’s excessive and exclusive expectations and demands? Are my plans being constantly and completely over-turned? Has the tie to the familiar people I have always known been severed indicating my partner is using tactics to cut me off from my friends and social networking so that he or she is the centre of attraction with no competition whatsoever? Does my partner bring out the best or the worst traits in me making me believe I am unworthy of better treatment?

Some insecurity or possessiveness in a relationship is not uncommon and is no cause for a major worry. Yet, when these traits cross a reasonable boundary, such as when an aggressive individual becomes physically or verbally abusive, then it is best to seek out a professional counselor rather than procrastinating thinking the problem will just go away. Some mild personality dysfunctions tend to heal over time especially in reciprocal love, others are cured through a series of psychotherapeutic sessions, but some others, especially if one of the partners safety is at risk, may even require psychiatric treatment.

True love is based on a common spiritual understanding by the partners who seek what is best in the other. True love does not possess or dominate but seeks to allow sufficient breathing space for the other person’s unique creative expression and growth, implanted by Divine Love itself for a common good. St Therese of Lisieux, once said to her Mother Prioress “Again and again I have found that a single caress from you has more effect in me than any reprimand you could have uttered. I suppose I’m made like that, when I am frightened, I simply curl up; when I am appealed by love, I can go ahead at full speed.” True love is not only discovering the outward beauty of the other, but most importantly discovering the inner beauty of the other’s soul.

(THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN PINK MAGAZINE IN 2010 . AUTHOR Gordon P Vassallo.