In a small village by the name of Dovadola near Forli’ in central Italy, a little child is born, Benedetta Bianchi Porro. But her parents’ rejoicing at the nativity of their second child of six was suddenly shaken when shortly after her birth, Benedetta fell victim of poliomyelitis and was left with a crippled leg. This was the first of many trials that were to blossom into a covenant of love and friendship with God; into a veritable apostolate of suffering.

Benedetta was a sensitive, delicate, intelligent and strong-willed child. She decided at a very young age to become a doctor, because she wanted to give herself to others. Her studies till she reached her final exams were weighed down by her serious illness diagnosed as Neuro- Fibromatosis- a paralysis of the nervous system which gradually invades all the nerve centres. Despite several interventions her condition deteriorated till she became deaf, lost her sense of touch, taste and smell. At this point Benedetta was convinced that she had to give up her cherished medical career. But her heavy afflictions far from led her to despair. As her trials increased, so did she advance in God’s grace. In one of her letters to a friend she wrote “I am aware more than ever of the richness of my condition and I don’t desire anything but to continue in it”. Far from being isolated and lonely, she became more alive to the mystery of God’s love for her that had unfolded in such an unexpected manner. The rest of her life up to the point of her death in 1964 at the age of twenty eight was spent in her bed which became the pulpit from which Benedetta ‘preached without preaching’. She preached lessons of patience, humility, fortitude, resignation to God’s will, the value of the Cross endured for Christ to people from all walks of life, believers and unbelievers alike. Benedetta had found meaning in her suffering.

‘Why O Lord?’ is the legitimate question we cry out when we or our loved ones or closest friends are faced with serious affliction, be it a sudden illness or a sudden loss. ‘Why me?’.. when we experience an unexpected turn of events in our relationships that may drive us to the point of devastation. Sometimes the pain is so strong it becomes almost unbearable. How can a loving God allow such human suffering? How can a loving God not even spare his own son from the Calvary of the Cross?

Trials, afflictions and destruction do not please God. Divine and merciful love does not in its inherent nature find any special delight in dashing out all sorts of calamities perhaps according to some formula of moral merit. We all come across people who face unbearable suffering despite their saintly life just as much we come across others whom we think should deserve better and yet seem to ride the waves despite their extravagant and unruly lifestyle. Afflictions and pain are part of fallen world. We live in a world where innocent children starve while moral monsters prosper. But just as the rose buds its beautiful flower and gives its sweet scent only after a thorny pilgrimage, God, through his permissive will, allows us to experience trials but he uses them to redeem our brokenness, using the worst things in our lives to bring out the best.

Mourning our afflictions is in itself a painful process but if ignored, the subject of our mourning will have authority over us and may control our behaviour, relationships and actions. As we face our mourning we enter into the healing process. It is at the point when we let the tears flow and allow others to listen to our pain that the moment of blessing can be experienced. It is the moment of restoration by supernatural grace. Perhaps the best way of understanding this is to contemplate on Christ’s own mourning process in Gethsemane.

In tears we do not despair but speak our heart to God. As witnessed by Stephanie Sciberras in last’s Pink issue, on the loss of her beloved son Ben, “I have intensified my relationship with God as never before, and each day, I try to draw some new ways of comforting myself through readings from Jesus’ life and teachings…in seeking spiritual wisdom, I do not repress my grief, but help myself to express it in a way that gives me comfort and fill me with a hope for the future..” For as we find in Psalm 34:19, “many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers them out of them all”

(THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN PINK MAGAZINE IN 2010 – AUTHOR GORDON P VASSALLO)