A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. The husband was quick to respond, “Sure. You carry the suitcases!”

Relationships without a sense of humour are like wagons without springs – jolted by every pebble in the road. As Mark Twain remarks “Humour is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place” But perhaps Taki, an influential Greek graffiti writer sums it all up “Humour is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one’s bottom”

The benefit of humour and laughter in our daily stressful life is often the subject of dialogue among psychological and other health professionals especially those dealing with conflict resolution in intimate relationships. Scientific evidence claims that humour increases immunity, reduces pain, improve cardiovascular function, and disarms tense situations. It is not surprising that a sense of humour should form part of every relationship survival kit. A good sense of humour induces a positive outlook on the way we perceive nerve-racking and demanding situations within any relationship.

However, humour must be preserved as a language of wisdom rather than a tool for dishing out sarcastic remarks. The intent of humour is not to create embarrassment for others by being overly forward, but to bring happiness to others by lightening embarrassing or difficult moments. In a spiritual sense, to have a good sense of humour, is to have an ‘enlightened mind’ a mind as one Chinese guru put it “complete with ingenuity, vivacity, and intelligence which perceives all things with an attitude of optimism, a mind which does not fall short of conveying an immeasurable amount of genuine affection and concern” A good sense of humour in our interpersonal relationships far from debases the integrity of our partners when used in the right context and with an empathic approach. As Robert Pierce, a spokesperson for the American Psychological Association puts it “humour can work for better or worse. It can either be a bonding experience, but if used in the wrong context, it can produce feelings of hurt or anger.”

We might have the unfortunate impression that humour and laughter are opposed to a serious and respectful way of life, perhaps more so in religious social circles. Far from it! Clean humour and laughter radiates joy which is of so much value in the spiritual life and in our interpersonal relationships. Fr James Martin SJ, a Jesuit priest and renowned author of several books on the spiritual life claims that “ humour and laughter were deemed somehow inappropriate in Catholic circles,” but he cautioned those who were “deadly serious” warning that they could be ‘seriously dead.” How can a priest ‘celebrate’ the Mass, for instance, when he never cracks a smile?

For joy, humour and laughter show people one’s faith in God. They proclaim a positive outlook even in the most disastrous situations, be it in relationships or other. They proclaim that beyond our temporary pilgrimage here on earth there is life, there is the joy of Resurrection. Beyond hatred there is the power of love, beyond despair the power of hope. Even Christ applied humour to challenge the pompous, puffed up and powerful. He told stories about judges who gave justice only after succumbing to being pestered repeatedly, of businessmen who amassed riches only to die the next day, and about priests too precious and legalistic to help a man who had been beaten up.

Humour transforms competing monologues in relationships to dialogue. A balanced sense of humour in our relationships overrides the petty differences emanating of our complex make-up. In humility, laughing at our own weaknesses can be a tool for deflating our egos and bring us back to our true selves. It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.

As GK Chesterton wisely put it “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly”

THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN PINK MAGAZINE IN 2010. AUTHOR GORDON P VASSALLO)